Louise will move because her parents change jobs and regions. Louise is 11 years old. Since her parents, enthusiastic, told her the news by telling her how life in this provincial town was going to be simpler, more beautiful, in a big house with a big room for her, Louise has suffered from headaches and at the belly. She sleeps badly and understands that it is the move that worries her. She is afraid to leave her city, her house, her room, her friends, her school. She cries, but in secret, and on social media she says that her parents are completely selfish.
→ MAINTENANCE. “A chosen move is always positive”
To build themselves, the beings in transformation that are the adolescents need continuity and to be able to project themselves into a secure and predictable future. They need the familiar, to imagine that things are going to happen according to a logic that they can anticipate. Often, the moves were decided by the adults, the adolescents undergo them. This passivity further increases the effect of these changes.
The importance of peers
In addition, for adolescents, there is an additional factor, friends, those we choose and identify with. Friends are very important because they represent mirrors, guardians. The teenager identifies with them to build his own values. Friends, teachers, and other adults around help teens grow. Louise will lose them. She knows it and does not dare to tell it to her parents who could not understand the importance of these links for her, and who perhaps would not understand why these strangers take up so much space.
Moving means mourning for adolescents, a loss of spatial, temporal and emotional landmarks, a ” little death “, Louise will say. For adolescents, it is a regression. As they are empowering themselves, they become again dependent on their parents and a new place. Louise says: “I feel like I’m going to be put in the moving van like the beds and the kitchen utensils!” ” Not to mention that in addition, when moving, there are sometimes difficult reasons such as a divorce or a difficulty in the parents’ life, which increases insecurity.
A “family council”
You should know that this is not a trivial act. The timing of the change should be decided taking into account that it is a destabilizing factor for adolescents. It is important to integrate this data into the decision, by associating them with it. If you really have to move at this time, you have to tell them as soon as possible. For example, we can hold a “family council” where everyone gives their opinion and suggestions so as not to suffer too much. This will allow the teenager to imagine links between the current world and the one he will have to invest, so that the rupture is not too violent. Maintain visio or face-to-face relationships during vacations with people important to them or their friends. It is important, of course, to recognize that for them the event is more difficult to live than for the adults who have decided and who, perhaps, will gain things in this move. While teenagers are likely to lose a lot or at least that’s how they experience it at first.