Life Style

They wanted to develop their spouse



► “I wanted to bridge the cultural gap with my spouse”

Myriam, 55 years old (1)

“I got married very young, and my husband left me when our second child was born. A few years after this separation, I fell in love with my hairdresser. This relationship surprised those around me. We were not from the same background. My parents were artists. I had done Fine Arts. But he was appreciated by everyone.

→ ANALYSIS. Changing your spouse, an illusion?

Very quickly, however, I realized that we didn’t like the same things. I loved going to see exhibitions. Him, no. I tried to change it, to convert it by training it with me, but I didn’t have much success. I remember a trip to Los Angeles where I wanted to go on cultural outings, while he preferred to stay on the beach. We did not have the same desires, and I did not live with this cultural gap because I needed us to do things together, like a normal couple. He didn’t seem to be in pain, but after four years we separated. “

► “I managed to change it a bit”

Marine, 28

“I live with a man older than me who has two children from a previous marriage. When I met him, he was coming out of a difficult story. He was a pessimist, centered on himself and not very open to others. He saw his children out of obligation, without any real pleasure.

→ MAINTENANCE. Jean-Claude Kaufmann: “The resemblance does not allow to form a couple”

After five years of living together, I think I managed to change it a bit. I changed his outlook on life, I made him more optimistic, more sociable. I think I also helped him get closer to his kids and today they really share things together. He’s still a bit nonchalant, that’s his personality, but some of his behavior has changed. If he hadn’t made an effort, I wouldn’t have stayed with him. “

► “He kept telling me to get out of my comfort zone ten times a day”

Bérénice, 50 years old (1)

“A few years after the death of my partner, I met someone. But from the start, I sensed that something was wrong, without really understanding what was going on. It took me a while to see that it was toxic. He found that I was too anxious, that I didn’t dare enough in life and that I lacked self-confidence. But instead of telling me kindly and kindly, he kept telling me “move” or “get out of your comfort zone” ten times a day, every time I said something he didn’t think was relevant.

His remarks unsettled me and only pushed me down. I didn’t quite see where he was going with this. After all, I was not a Cro-Magnon woman. I studied, I am open to culture, I love to read and I consider evolution to be the quest of a lifetime. But his remarks hurt me. He, on the other hand, hated reading and anything “intellectual”. He was a dentist and came from a privileged background but he was self-conscious and his remarks were a way of putting me down. “

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