Sexual desire is fascinating and disturbing. Worrisome because it is not controllable. It appears and disappears, elusive. Conflicting couples can continue to desire each other physically. On the contrary, you can love your partner deeply, not have conflicts with him, project yourself into the future, and no longer feel desire for him.
→ CHRONICLE. The ghosts of the bedroom, By Jacques Arènes
This is the case with Marion. She is therefore worried. She loves, and at the same time she no longer desires him … And, even more, she desires another, whom she knows well, from her work. He attracts her, and it’s strong. She doesn’t know what to do.
What we can learn from fiction
Eyes wide shut (Eyes Wide Closed), is Kubrick’s latest film, based on a short story by Arthur Schnitzler. This dreamlike film deals completely with the subject. A couple is exposed, at the beginning, in their most prosaic daily life. They are both young and beautiful, and preparing to go to a party. Our couple slips more and more into dreams. Upon returning home, Alice confesses to her husband that she once fantasized about a man, to the point of being overwhelmed with desire: to desire another, while the love for her spouse is also strong. This revelation destabilizes her husband to the point that the rest of the story turns for him into a nocturnal wandering, fantastic and dangerous.
→ CHRONICLE. Act as gardeners of love
Fiction, even phantasmagoric, learns something from reality. Desiring another man, another woman is an overwhelming experience, especially for a couple who are doing well. Because this desire reveals the too great familiarity of a path already traveled, of a relationship with another that has become so habitual, so fraternal, so friendly. Can one thus physically love one’s brother or childhood friend? We must therefore get out of this accustomed look, by which the spouse is part of the furniture. And find a dimension of danger.
The spouse does not belong to us
What is it ? A romantic relationship is never won, it is never safe and secure like a suburban lodge. It must include the idea that desiring another is always possible, and that the appearance of such a feeling cannot always be mastered. It can even persist for a long time, without any adultery being committed, making the relationship painful, even unlivable.
A loving relationship is thus won in front of the rest of the world, the surrounding humanity which continues to solicit one or the other, to be lovable or desirable. This endangerment also helps us to discover something of ourselves, of the inexhaustible reserve of love, of the power of physical attraction.
The coupleEyes wide shut wakes up exhausted, but his eyes open to the insecurity of the world. He wakes up as an adult. To go through the ordeal of desiring elsewhere is to open one’s eyes, or, on the contrary, to close them on what seemed illusory to have acquired. And perceive that, even if a couple constitutes a security, the spouse does not belong to us… Our desire itself betrays us, or simply indicates to us that we must wake up, that the bedroom is not an insurance all risks, and is not just a place to sleep. But also a space of discovery and mystery.