Life Style

Sabrina de Dinechin: “Adultery damages the idealized image of the couple”



The cross : Infidelity is the first cause of crisis in the couple. Has this always been the case?

Sabrina from Dinechin: Yes, fidelity has always been important for the couple, even if it could vary according to social backgrounds. Adultery has long been the only accepted cause of divorce. Today, it is perhaps even more so because much more is expected of the spouse. We think that, to be happy, the other must fulfill our needs, our desires; when there is infidelity, it feels like everything is falling apart.

→ INVESTIGATION. Lies, lack of support, infidelity… Forgive yourself within the couple

Why is it so difficult to forgive infidelity, including when it comes to platonic relationships?

N.d. D.: Infidelity is a betrayal of a mutual commitment between spouses or expectations of the other and can therefore be felt as such, even when it comes to a platonic relationship. For the cheated spouse, adultery is a terrible disappointment that can be experienced as a breakdown. Not only did the other person break the contract or not live up to their expectations, but with the infidelity comes also a feeling of humiliation, with the idea that everyone knows.

→ TESTIMONIALS. Forgiveness in the couple, a personal journey

It also happens that the person learns it from his or her best friend. In infidelity, there are generally lies and the cheated spouse also blames himself for having “been had”. Adultery is a wound of the ego which undermines self-esteem and affects the idealized image of the couple and of love.

How to repair the relationship after infidelity?

N.d. D.: Before asking this question, the spouses must ask themselves if they want to repair the relationship. And, if so, what steps would this repair go through. Then you have to take the time to talk to each other and listen to each other to understand the reasons that led to this infidelity, including with the help of a professional. It is important to be able to speak truthfully and transparently without trying to find out too much, because the details may hurt the cheated spouse even more and bruise him beyond repair.

Then, we must ask ourselves about the meaning of forgiveness and what we are ready to forgive. To forgive the other, it is sometimes necessary to first forgive yourself. But beware, forgiving does not mean wiping the slate clean or turning the page, as we commonly say, because the wound remains. Hence the importance of analyzing the situation together and of forgiving each other mutually in order to be able to plan for something positive. It takes time to regain trust in the other after adultery, but it is possible when commitment to fidelity is an important value for the couple.

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