Life Style

Parents who are sometimes very invested in their children’s studies



When you are a parent, it is for life, as we say. “When you are a parent of a student, you remain so beyond the child’s 18 years old”, prolongs Gilles Demarquet, president of Apel. His association, essential in Catholic establishments of the first and second degree, is also gradually investing the field of higher education.

“Of course, it is not a question of taking the place of the students, who have become adults. But parents are not only “funders”, they can continue to play the role of partners of Catholic higher education establishments, by leading CV workshops, opening their address book for internships, helping them. young people to prepare for their defense, he maintains. Confinements and distance courses have also more broadly shown how essential parental support can be. “

Find the right place

The challenge is to find the right place. “A minority of parents are very intrusive”, notes a director of a Catholic higher education establishment. “She does not hesitate to exert pressure, sometimes via the intermediary of a lawyer, for example to obtain the validation of an internship, while the tutor has been dissatisfied”, he recounts. And to deplore “Judicialization of relationships”. “Since they pay, some families feel they have the right to demand that the school issue the diploma to their child, regardless of their commitment and their results”.

This manager reads in this attitude the consequences of“A fusional relationship between parents and children”, the manifestation of“Anxiety at the idea that young people may miss their professional integration”, the will of a “Overprotection”. “Unthinkable just a few decades ago, this attitude hardly prepares those interested in the rough edges of the working world ”.

A welcome meeting for parents

In any case, changes are leading establishments to adapt. “Many plan to welcome parents at the start of the first year”, indicates Laurent Champaney, president of the Conférence des grandes écoles. “It is reassuring for them to visualize the place where their child is going to study. But this meeting is also an opportunity to tell them that from now on our main interlocutor is the student ”, continues the Director General of Arts and Crafts. “However, provided that the young person gives his approval, some private schools offer parents online access to his results,” he nuances.

Similarly, it can also happen that those responsible for training alert parents “If their child, faced with serious psychological difficulties, no longer comes to class”. The goal is then to protect the student. This vigilance is required at a time when the possibilities opened up by Parcoursup and the internationalization of higher education are leading many very young people to study far from their families.

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