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“I could even have created one”: when choosing the last name for your child becomes a puzzle



► “The order of the names was a puzzle”

Margaux, 34 years old, civil union, mother of a 7 month old boy.

“Giving my last name and daddy’s last name to our child seemed normal to me. We are two to have done it, two to raise him, why give him only one? It’s not just to please the other parent. It is a question of transmission of identity to the child. I was the one who spoke about it first, but my partner completely agreed. And for my in-laws, it was natural too.

→ MAINTENANCE. “Family names have not always been hereditary”

However, the order of the names was a puzzle until the end. Ideally, we would have liked there to be no hierarchy between the two names, especially since we know that in use, the second name often disappears. I think I would have even been able to come up with a unique name that bridges the two. Finally, I chose to leave the father’s first for a question of sound with the first name. But also to establish a bond with the dad who could not live the pregnancy and who was eager to play his role of father and forge a relationship with his son. “

► “My husband did not want to give his name”

Alexandra, 41 years old, civil union, mother of a 2 year old girl

“Our daughter bears only my name. My husband, who is of Polish origin, did not want to give him his because it is too difficult to pronounce, while mine is very common. I offered to put it before his, so she could have both of our names, but he didn’t want to. Besides the spelling difficulties, he thought it might be difficult for her to have two names. This choice surprised many people, especially in his family, but they eventually got used to it.

→ INVESTIGATION. Spouses, children: a family name on demand

On the other hand, we were treated to some reflections when registering for the nursery where the director asked us if her father had recognized her, while he was in front of her with our daughter. I know this choice is not common, but I do not see why a child could not have just the mother’s name. The name of the father is a tradition, but customs change. “

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